Pain

Julie has been reading about the attitude an expectant mother should have about the labor process. Some women obsess over it, and that's not good. High anxiety plus passing a child equals a bad experience for the father.

I mean the mother. You know what I mean.

Likewise, a mother should not completely ignore all information about labor. It's best not to be surprised. "This is going to HURT? Nobody told me this!" Then the mother looks like an idiot, which by extension makes the father look like an idiot. Add the inevitable pain, and you end up resenting the baby and naming it Humperdink out of revenge.

But you can't get a straight answer about pain from a doctor, because doctors use euphemisms. I had sinus surgery after high school to repair a deviated septum. Yes, I was that kid: the deviated septum kid. Anyway, you wake up after surgery with a Charmin roll of gauze stuffed up each nostril. You're also groggy with medication, so you don't realize that a rotting corpse could take a dump on your face and you wouldn't smell it.

That gauze has to come out after about a week. You go in and the doctor says, "This is going to feel a little odd." Then he gives you a towel to bite on. You're thinking "A towel?" when all of a sudden he starts pulling your brain out your nose.

In retrospect, I don't know if I would have benefited from more honesty about how much it would hurt. Certainly nine months of honesty would have prompted me to run away to Canada or something. But there's a balance, and "a little odd" two seconds before a nasal lobotomy doesn't cut it.

Julie has the right attitude so far. Become informed, but don't obsess. Plus, I guess you get a baby out of the deal, so that's pretty cool.