Identity

It's almost noon, and I'm sitting out here listening to Julie gag in the bathroom. Hwah, hwah, hwah. Nothing solid coming out, but a raging cesspool within.

So I don my Superdan cape and fly into the bathroom. "How can I help, maiden?"

"I'm just, hwah, grossed out by everything."

"Fear not! I will fix you the snack of fortitude."

"Hwah."

"Oh God."

"I almost just threw up on you."

"Uh...wanna make out?"

And then the words that every father-to-be hears at some point.

"You did this to me."

Turns out I'm not the hero, but the villain.