Comma

Do you remember watching School House Rock during summer school after you failed the 6th grade? You watched it at some point, right? Sing with me: "Conjunction junction...what's your function?" So catchy. That was actually a finalist for our wedding's first dance. Don't believe Julie when she contradicts this.

Say to her, "Contradiction...that's just fiction!" You'll be so cool.

There was this character in School House Rock who only said, "COMMA!" A dependent clause would walk to the left of an independent clause, and the comma guy would shove himself between them and shout "COMMA!" If you remember this grammatical concept, you get a gold star. Otherwise, examine the previous sentence as an example of said concept.

Then give yourself a less-desired green star.

Julie and I went to Babies R Us yesterday, where sensibility and restraint went to die. Both of us wanted a replacement for her giant phallus pillow.

They had a pillow there that was the spitting image of the comma guy from School House Rock. It has since replaced the brown phallus, causing all to rejoice.

Now if Julie ever feels tempted to leap out of bed at the first buzz of her alarm, she'll remember to pause.