Secret (and no, it's not Victoria)

We think we've picked the name, but we're not telling anybody what it is. What'd happen, you see, is that everyone, especially you, would have all sorts of reactions to share with us.

"Oh, I knew a Mindi-Lou in high school. She's in jail now."

"Adele? That'll be perfect once she turns 85."

"Um, okay, but have you ever thought about [insert your name]?"

My mom calls me and says, "So, what was the name again?" She's pretty sure I'll slip.

"It's Broomhilda...dang it! You tricked me!"

Our biggest fear is that some celebrity couple will unwittingly steal our name. Brangelina, for instance. They're having twins, aren't they? I can just see the magazines now, with our name on the cover. We can't have everybody saying in November, "Oh, so you named her after little Portobello Pitt-Jolie?"

Or some natural disaster. "Blizzard Bertha is carving a swath through northern Iowa, burying entire silos."

I guess if anything like that happens, it's better if it's before the kid is born, so you can at least change your mind. "Katrina Rita, your behavior is out of control. Go to the time-out chair."