Spit

Through some inspired detective work I discovered that the ingredient Guaifenesin (which my computer just red-squiggled) is safe for preggies with coughs. Other ingredients found in over-the-counter medicines are bad and can result in neighborhood pets disappearing once your child is born and learns to walk.

But Guaifenesin, Guai-frickin-fenesin, is so benign and ineffective that even a woman suffering from acute bodily fetus invasion can safely take a half-dosage every four hours for no more than 24 hours.

It's an expectorant, which is the medical term for when you expect your cough to go away but it doesn't. Actually, to expectorate is to spit, as we know from Beauty and the Beast ("In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston/I'm especially good at ex-pec-tor-ating..."). So Julie will stop coughing and start spitting. Awesome.

I don't see a need to tell her that the only cough syrup at Walgreens that contained Guaifenesin and not 15 added baby-marring ingredients was the highly respected, sought-after Wal-Tussin brand. I will instead lie and tell her that the pharmacist described it as the cough syrup of the stars.