Napkins

Julie and I are not civilized enough to place napkins on our laps when we eat at home. At restaurants, however, there seems a greater likelihood that we'll spill our food. We gesture wildly and talk with our mouths full. The dim lighting makes it harder to see what we're doing. Restaurant food is fattier and therefore slipperier. Plus, what else are you going to do with the napkin once you've exhausted the disappearing cup magic trick?

I have determined that pregnant women need bigger napkins. The stomach of a pregnant woman is quite convex, you see, and bobbled food tends to land on the stomach rather than the napkin. Depending on the food, sometimes it ricochets. Last night an entire dinner roll bounced off Julie's stomach and landed four tables over, in the pea soup of a fishing show host. And he threw it back.

Ha! Get it? He threw it back. Yeah, that was all a lie. The point remains that conventional napkins are insufficient. Either that or Julie needs to place it higher. Or get a bib. At any rate, there's a hole in the market and the one who fills it will be a millionaire. Or at least a hundredaire. Or in significant debt.