Crazy

Last night Julie had restless leg syndrome. She got it occasionally pre-pregnancy, and apparently now it's a common occurrence in women in their 7th month. I think it's because she shoots caffeine into her femoral artery every morning, but I could be wrong.

So all of a sudden it was 1:30 AM and I found myself no longer sleeping, but bouncing. Julie was kicking her side of the bed with a fury. Her legs are crazy buff, too, from carrying all that, you know, girth, so mattress coils were flying up left and right. Well not quite that bad, but bad. I was in the middle of a dream about Legos and never-ending summers, and then BAM BAM BAM I was a human basketball.

"What the hell?" I inquired politely.

"I have crazy legs." BAM BAM BAM BAM.

"BARK BARK BARK BARK!" said a dog down the street who also had crazy leg syndrome.

I got up to close the window. "I've heard the remedy is to lie very still and avoid talking."

"I'm serious! I don't know what to do! My legs are SO crazy!" BAM BAM.

From the foot of the bed, I grabbed her foot and slowly pulled it until I was sure it would pop off. Julie made a happy gurgling sound. Then I did the other one.

"Better? Less crazy?"

"I think better."

And eventually we both fell asleep.