Cholesterol

In order to qualify for life insurance, this nurse came over to do some tests. I peed, I gave blood, and I stood on the scale. The results of this test came back yesterday. I tested negative for cocaine (no joke) but high for cholesterol. That wasn't all that surprising as it runs in my family. Also, I eat whatever I want because I've never really been a weight gainer.

But now the cholesterol has me concerned. I know it's all about diet and exercise, so I'm planning to eat less junk and occasionally get my heartbeat above 60. Julie is not helping with the food part.

"I want fudge stripy cookies."

"How many?"

"Just bring the package."

Plus we have miniature candy bars all over the house and banana split ice cream in the freezer. Banana split ice cream! Ice cream is literally my favorite food, above steak, above sushi, above pizza rolls. I could eat ice cream for every single meal and yet now I'm considering a hiatus because the ice part runs right through me and the cream part goes straight from my esophagus to the lining of my arteries.

And there she is eating those cookies. I should mention that her cholesterol is just fine. Plus she's pregnant, so if she wanted a bucket of lard and a wooden spoon, I'd have to get it for her. So I got home from school today, and what did I eat? Chips? Candy? Ice cream? Try Total cereal. Have you ever eaten cereal angrily? With bitterness and resentment? It makes it crunchier.

But hopefully as a result, my daughter will have a daddy to help her celebrate her 70th birthday. (I'm optimistic.) And if in six months my cholesterol is still high, then medication, here I come.