Protrusion

On the beach about 15-20 pregnant pounds ago, Julie and I were in the water and she jumped on my back to dunk me. Her stomach thwarted her and she bounced backwards and crushed a school of freshwater seahorses who were on their way to church.

Julie still forgets about her stomach and bumps into stuff. It's hilarious. She makes split-second decisions about whether she will, for example, fit past the crib box and out the door. But while pregnant, the spatial awareness part of her brain works about as well as a solar-powered calculator in a closet.

As the weeks pass, she has nowhere left to grow up or down, so out is the only option left. I remember in Boy Scouts when I tied my sleeping bag to the back of my pack rather than the top of it. The farther from your body, the heavier it is, so I suffered that day. With a stomach that keeps extending, I expect to devote an entire post in the coming weeks to lower back pain.

But I hope to also have stories of coat racks, vases, water glasses, and table lamps toppling to the ground after my wife pivots or simply exhales too quickly.

In other news, she still looks beautiful.